The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for families with someone in recovery, they can also be a period of tension, uncertainty, and emotional risk. Well-intentioned words can sometimes backfire, turning support into stress. That’s why knowing what to say to someone in recovery, and equally importantly, what not to say, is essential.
At Evolve Life Centers, we’ve guided countless families through holiday challenges, helping them communicate in ways that strengthen recovery, foster connection, and reduce stress. This guide provides practical, realistic advice for families, friends, and loved ones who want to be truly supportive during this season.
Why Words Matter More Than Ever During the Holidays
Recovery isn’t just about avoiding substances—it’s about navigating emotions, relationships, and triggers. During the holidays, several factors make conversations especially sensitive:
- Emotional intensity: Family dynamics, grief, loneliness, and nostalgia often surface.
- Social pressure: Holiday events often involve alcohol or other substances.
- Memory triggers: Past holiday experiences involving substance use may resurface.
- Disrupted routines: Support meetings, therapy, and healthy habits may be interrupted.
Understanding these dynamics allows you to approach conversations with awareness, empathy, and tact.
What to Say to Someone in Recovery: Words That Support and Empower
- Validate Their Recovery Efforts
Acknowledgment goes a long way. Recovery is hard work, and simple recognition can reinforce resilience:
- “I’m proud of the progress you’ve made this year.”
- “Your commitment to recovery is inspiring.”
- “I want you to feel supported and safe during the holidays.”
Validation reduces anxiety and reinforces the positive choices your loved one is making.
- Focus on Connection, Not Substances
Shift the conversation toward shared experiences, not alcohol or drugs:
- “I’m excited to spend time together this season.”
- “Let’s focus on making memories rather than drinks.”
- “What’s your favorite holiday tradition we can do together this year?”
This approach emphasizes joy and togetherness without creating triggers.
- Ask, Don’t Assume
Instead of assuming what they need, ask directly:
- “How can I make this gathering easier or more comfortable for you?”
- “Are there any situations you want to avoid this holiday season?”
Asking shows respect, gives control back to your loved one, and fosters open communication.
- Offer Practical Support
Simple, actionable offers can make a meaningful difference:
- “Would you like me to drive you home if you need to leave early?”
- “I can prepare non-alcoholic drinks for the gathering.”
- “Let’s plan a holiday activity you enjoy, just us or with the family.”
These gestures reinforce safety and comfort, rather than pressure or judgment.
- Encourage Autonomy and Confidence
Recovery is personal. Encourage your loved one to make their own choices:
- “I trust your judgment and want to support whatever you decide.”
- “Your boundaries are important, and I respect them.”
When people in recovery feel empowered rather than controlled, they’re more likely to stay sober and engaged.
What Not to Say: Avoid These Traps
Even well-meaning words can unintentionally trigger shame, guilt, or stress. Avoid:
- Moralizing or Lecturing
- “You shouldn’t drink.”
- “I can’t believe you’re still struggling.”
- “Why can’t you just have one?”
Such statements increase shame, reduce trust, and often backfire.
- Minimizing Their Experience
- “It’s not a big deal.”
- “Everyone slips sometimes.”
Minimizing can make your loved one feel unseen and invalidate the challenges of recovery.
- Sharing Personal Substance Stories
Stories about your drinking or using drugs—even humorous ones—can trigger cravings or negative emotions.
- Pressuring or Testing Boundaries
- “Come on, it’s the holidays!”
- “Just one drink won’t hurt.”
Even casual pressure undermines confidence and can increase stress.
Practical Strategies for Recovery-Friendly Holiday Conversations
- Lead With Empathy and Curiosity
Instead of assuming what your loved one needs, approach with curiosity:
- “I notice this event seems stressful for you. How can I help?”
- “Are there any parts of the holiday that feel risky or uncomfortable?”
This approach shows care, builds trust, and helps them articulate their needs.
- Listen Actively
- Give them time to speak without interruption.
- Reflect back what you hear: “It sounds like you’re worried about being around alcohol.”
- Avoid offering advice unless asked.
Active listening validates feelings and reduces the risk of defensiveness.
- Normalize Boundaries
Boundaries are not signs of weakness—they are protective tools:
- “If you need to leave early, that’s absolutely fine.”
- “I support your decision to skip certain activities if they feel risky.”
Normalizing boundaries empowers your loved one and reduces stress.
- Model Healthy Behavior
- Offer alcohol-free beverages and snacks.
- Focus conversations on shared experiences and positive memories.
- Avoid judgmental or triggering humor.
Modeling respect for sobriety encourages participation without pressure.
- Plan Ahead for High-Risk Situations
Preparation reduces stress:
- Agree on safe spaces during family gatherings.
- Discuss transportation options in advance.
- Identify a “support person” your loved one can check in with if overwhelmed.
At Evolve Life Centers, we encourage families to create practical, structured plans for holidays—these simple strategies often prevent triggers before they arise.
Handling Setbacks or Slip-Ups
Even with careful communication, slips may occur. How you respond matters:
- Stay Calm: Avoid anger, blame, or overreaction.
- Listen and Validate: Allow your loved one to express emotions without judgment.
- Encourage Immediate Support: Suggest contacting a sponsor, therapist, or attending a meeting.
- Reflect Together: Discuss what triggered the slip and how to prevent future occurrences.
- Reaffirm Commitment: Remind them that recovery is a journey, and one setback does not erase progress.
At Evolve Life Centers, we often advise families to use setbacks as opportunities for learning rather than shame—a critical mindset for sustainable recovery.
Supporting Yourself While Supporting Others
Family members often experience stress and anxiety while supporting someone in recovery. Taking care of yourself ensures you can provide steady support:
- Attend support groups for families, such as Al-Anon.
- Engage in self-care routines like exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
- Set emotional boundaries to prevent burnout.
- Seek professional guidance if tensions escalate.
When you are grounded, your support is more effective and emotionally sustainable.
Infusing Joy Into Recovery-Friendly Holidays
The holidays don’t have to be stressful—they can be a time to celebrate recovery and connection:
- Celebrate milestones: Acknowledge sobriety anniversaries or personal growth achievements.
- Create new traditions: Introduce activities that focus on connection, not alcohol.
- Practice gratitude: Share reflections on progress, relationships, and growth.
- Focus on shared experiences: Emphasize food, games, music, storytelling, or volunteering together.
By framing the holidays around connection and positive experiences, your loved one feels supported rather than pressured.
Final Thoughts
Supporting a loved one in recovery during the holidays requires awareness, empathy, and practical preparation. Knowing what to say to someone in recovery, avoiding harmful phrases, and creating a structured, compassionate environment can make a significant difference in their experience.
At Evolve Life Centers, we help families navigate these challenging times with strategies that strengthen relationships, reduce stress, and foster long-term sobriety. Recovery is a journey—and the holidays can be an opportunity to deepen connection, celebrate growth, and support someone in recovery that you know in meaningful ways. If you or your loved one needs professional help, call 443-LIV-FREE today or start the application online. You can also follow us on Facebook to learn more.
